


An Unusual Arrangement: Protection

by 1241578



Series: An Unusual Arrangement: Two Endings [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Powerful Harry, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29775405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1241578/pseuds/1241578
Summary: An alternate ending to An Unusual Arrangement.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Series: An Unusual Arrangement: Two Endings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188416
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	An Unusual Arrangement: Protection

So, I was in love with Harry Potter.

Great.

Although my entire world view had changed in the last day, life soldiered on without care. Returning to Harry's chambers that evening had been a Herculean task. What was even more painful was the idea of facing Harry's Patronus lesson the next afternoon.

In fact, an overwhelming sense of dread fell over me by breakfast, making it difficult to choke down my meal. Although the logical portion of my brain knew it wasn't true, a large amount of me feared that it would be obvious that I was thinking of Harry while i cast my Patronus. 

What would the young man say if he knew? Obviously that would be the end of our physical relationship, he _had said_ his whole reason for seeking me out in the first place was because he felt confident we wouldn't develop feelings for one another. 

What about our friendship? Would Harry want to be around me anymore if he knew my true feelings? Not likely, he'd be polite and charming in turning me down and would probably say that we would still be friends, but he would avoid me whenever possible- maybe even quit his job!

"Now that was getting to be a bit dramatic." I scolded myself out loud as I left the Great Hall and headed for the potions classroom. Sure, it's not out of line to assume that our friendship would end upon the revelation of my true feelings, but I couldn't imagine the situation being so bad that Harry felt the need to flee the school entirely. Maybe I would simply return to my post of watching from afar, only interfering when absolutely needed.

\----

The day dragged on mercilessly, I was both overflowing with energy and completely drained as I worked through my first three potions classes of the day. Oh, how I wished Harry taught the seventh years in the morning, I just wanted to get this over with.

Finally, after picking at my lunch, it was time. I began making the trek up to Harry's classroom and with each step I felt my emotions swirling in turmoil around me. I paused outside of the classroom door, taking a breath to collect myself, before entering to see Harry, Minerva, and a gaggle of seventh year students.

Harry greeted me with a warm smile and Minerva welcomed me with a kind grin of her own. Seeing the two of them, my lover and one of my closest friends, looking so fondly at me helped bolster my confidence and I suddenly began to wonder if I had massively overestimated how big of a headache today was going to be.

Harry spent the first portion of the class period explaining the history and significance of the Patronus charm and I was happy to sit by and listen to his rough voice lecture on. Next, though, was the portion that made my heart begin to pick up the pace once more: professor examples.

Minerva went first, making a bit of a show of casting her charm. Her silver cat darted around the room and managed to garner some chuckles from the students. 

Next was Harry, who awkwardly rubbed his neck and had an inscrutable expression on his face. He took a deep breath before casting and looked somewhat relieved when his silver stag sprung forth from the tip of his wand, for what reason only Merlin knows why. This is the same man who chased off a hundred dementors at age thirteen after all.

Then it all came down to me. I felt all eyes upon me as I stepped forward. I shut down my senses for a moment and focused only on finding a joyful memory. Eventually, I settled on the feeling of being wrapped in Harry's tight hug on Christmas morning. "Expecto Patronum." I intoned, and with that a silver doe burst into the room, prancing about the students. 

For a second I felt self conscious about the stark contrast between me and my Patronus, but set that aside as I looked over to see Harry beaming at me. I wondered if Lily would be happy if she could see us now.

\----

Following the displays from the professors, Harry insisted that the seventh years take a crack at casting their own patronus charms. There was little success, which wasn't surprising. It was an incredibly complicated task to summon a patronus, and not a particularly necessary skill to learn. 

Still, one student took her failure particularly hard. After her fourth try, Sarah Davies (one of my particularly gifted snakes) burst into tears. Before I could react, Harry was already crossing the room to be by her side. He whispered something to her then looked up to find me.

"I think that's enough practice for today everyone, be on your way." I announced, shooting a signature glare in order to stomp out any protests. While the room cleared out, Harry escorted Sarah to his office, leaving Minerva and I behind.

"Severus, how have you been my dear?" I had known Minerva long enough to know there were layers to that question. "I'm fine, thank you for asking." I said cautiously, afraid she may have picked up on something after seeing Harry and I in the same room for an hour. "That's good to hear, I hope you know you can reach out to me if need be." With that, she flashed her signature smile at me.

Minerva and I made idle chitchat for a while, but once it was clear that Harry's discussion wouldn't be ending any time soon I decided to return to the dungeons.

\----

The time spent in my chambers was by no means productive. In fact, most of my energy was spent worrying about my young snake. Sarah was a brilliant witch, someone who was likely to have never failed at something so completely before.

She was also one of my more /troubled/ students. Both of her parents had been Death Eaters, and the family she had been left with following her original guardians' life sentence to Azkaban was likely full of sympathizers. 

Sarah was not hateful, not at her core, but she had been in the middle of some inter-house conflicts in the years following the war. It had gotten worse once her brother Matthew arrived at Hogwarts and began being bullied. I wondered if the young girl carried a similar fear to mine, struck with the idea she wasn't good enough to have a Patronus.

I was chewing on that particular thought when my fireplace roared with green flames, Harry's head peeking through in the middle. "Severus, you can come back now."

\----

When I returned to Harry's office, something immediately felt amiss. The air was heavy and the man himself seemed weighed down by whatever was on his mind.

Harry gestured to a cup of tea which I accepted and downed in silence, too distracted by the atmosphere and the thoughts buzzing in my head to even taste it.

"So, Sarah…" I began, although I had no idea where the sentence was going. "She's going to be okay, I'll make sure of it." Harry flashed me a small smile though, like everything else, something about it seemed off.

"What did you two talk about, exactly?" That question awarded me a small twitch in Harry's expression which was followed by the darkening of his eyes - he was occluding. 

"I can't tell you Severus, not now. Just know I'm doing all I can to make this right." Harry's voice had a tinge of pleading in it, but I wasn't about to back down. "If you don't trust me then say it!" My temper flared and my voice turned harsh, but Harry didn't so much as flinch.

Instead, the young professor stepped closer to me and placed a hand on my cheek. "It's not that I don't trust you, Severus. I'm just trying to protect as many people as possible, and that includes you." 

I let out a short bark of laughter in response, though there was no real amusement behind it. "What makes you so sure I deserve protecting?" 

Harry showed me another smile, this one far more genuine than the last. "I protect every person that I love, even if they don't believe I should."

\----

What happened next passed in a haze. I was so caught up in Harry using the word 'love' when referring to me that I simply allowed him to lead me to his bedroom, our argument placed on the back burner for the time being.

He laid me down on his bed and undressed me slowly, marvelling at every scar as if he was seeing them for the first time.

He was so gentle, so worshipful in his handling of me, as if I was something precious and fragile. For a moment, I considered snapping at him, but then thought better of it. I had no will to fight against him.

The room soon filled with the sound of our panting and whispered confessions. 

"You're beautiful."

"I want you."

"You're perfect."

"I love you."

I wasn't sure who said what, but I felt as if we both knew that whatever the other said was true for ourselves as well.

When I came, it was not just a sharp spike of pleasure like I was accustomed to. Instead, it felt like waves of pure joy washing over me.

I was somewhat aware of a cleaning spell being cast and the lights being extinguished before I drifted off to sleep.

\----

That night, I dreamt I was laying in the dark of Harry's room. The young man was not beside me, but I could see his figure moving around the room. Eventually, Harry approached my side of the bed, whispered something I couldn't quite hear, then bent down and pressed a kiss to my lips. I felt warm and happy as the scene slowly faded away and I returned to my dreamless sleep.

\----

I awoke the next morning feeling particularly groggy but well rested. I turned around to face Harry, but found his side of the bed to be empty. In his place was a small piece of parchment with a note hastily scribbled upon it.

_Severus,_

_Please meet me at the Astronomy Tower once you wake up, I'm ready to tell you what's going on with Sarah._

_H. Potter_

I dressed as fast as possible, then shoved the note into my pocket as a sinking feeling took hold of my chest. Whatever was going on, I was confident I was not about to enjoy a peaceful day.

I tore across the castle and hastily made my way up the stairs of the astronomy tower, my heart pounding the entire way. 

When I arrived at the top of the tower, the scene I saw stopped me in my tracks. Harry stood against the railing of observation deck, facing Sarah who was positioned with her back to me, her wand pointed at Harry and shaking violently.

"Expelliarmus!" I cried, reaching up to catch Sarah's wand as it flew towards me. I began to ask a million questions at once, but Harry simply raised a finger to his lips and shook his head. That sinking feeling I had felt before seemed like child's play in comparison to sudden realization that crashed over me. I moved to stop him, but I was too late.

\----

"Avada Kadavera." The words were barely a whisper, but they echoed in my ears as if they had been screamed at the top of his lungs. It happened all too fast and all too slow. There was a flash of green light, illuminating a sad smile. Next came the fall, which lasted an eternity and a second. And finally, there was the sickening thud of his body hitting the ground.

Immediately, I wanted to follow him. If I went now, maybe I could catch him before he got too far along. I knew we wouldn't be going to the same place, but I could at least get in a proper goodbye, a chance to say everything I had held in for so long. 

The sound of wailing tore me away from my grief. Sarah, the supposed assassin had crumpled to the floor in a mass of hysterics. Suddenly, my wartime skills had come back. Compartmentalize, Severus. There would be plenty of time to contemplate ending your own life /after/ you made sure Potter didn't just end his in vain. 

"Up." I intoned, trying to steady my voice into the proper balance of authority and neutrality. Sarah complied, still sobbing as she attempted to straighten herself.

"Quit your damned sniveling." I barked. "No amount of tears will bring him back." I said for Sarah as much as for myself. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a familiar sparkle. He had brought that damned thing with him of course, he had this all planned out. 

Quickly, I grabbed the invisibility cloak and slung it around the Slytherin's shoulders. "Now, go back to the common room immediately. Don't say a word about this to anyone. I will find you tonight and we'll discuss what to do from there." I could see the faint outline of the girl nod, then begin to dash down the stairs. 

It was time for me to make my way down as well. I feared what I would face at the bottom more than I had feared anything in my life. When I arrived at the landing I couldn't see his body, just the small throng of people that had already surrounded it. 

Steeling my nerves, I approached. As the crowd spotted me they began to part, fear in some of their eyes. They thought I had done it. I swallowed a mirthless laugh and continued to push my way towards the center of the group. 

And there he was. His eyes were closed and a small smile played on his lips. He looked as if he would wake up any moment and begin to babble about how ingenious his plan had been, but no, there was no movement, there was no talking. The last words Harry Potter ever spoke were the very words that killed him, words he had been incapable of aiming at anyone besides himself.

To end your own life with the killing curse was no easy task. You had to do more than /want/ to die, you had to /mean/ it. No hesitation whatsoever. Harry so willingly sacrificed himself for a student he barely knew. Such a Gryffindor death. 

Rain drops began to splatter upon Harry's face, but I looked up to find no clouds. Oh, I was crying. I couldn't seem to stop. It was a silent cry, one of pure grief. 

I bent down and cradled Harry's head in my lap, then gave him the last bit of me he hadn't yet received, a kiss from a man who was foolishly, helplessly, painfully in love.

Some childish part of me thought this would change something, after all it had been love that helped him defeat Voldemort, hadn't it? Why wouldn't love save him now? But no, he did not stir and I could feel him already beginning to grow cold in my arms. Tears were falling more rapidly now and it was then that I heard a familiar voice call out. 

"Severus!" Minerva shrieked as she approached. "What is the meaning of this?" Her wand was out and trained on my chest as her eyes flickered between me and the dimming life in my lap. 

"He's gone." I managed to choke out, my face surely one of utter despair. Shudders ripped through my body as I gripped onto Harry. 

\----

I was taken for questioning. I had no energy to withstand their grilling inquisition, but forced myself to stay strong for Sarah, the one who Harry sacrificed everything for. The questioning eventually stopped when his suicide note was found, neatly folded and on display in his office.

_To whom it may concern,_

He began, as if he was simply writing his resignation.

_I am writing on this day to confirm that my death was, in fact, a suicide. I'm sorry for all those who I've dragged into my suffering, it was simply too much to bare. So, I've decided to leave._

_Being the Boy Who Lived is no longer possible and I would rather die still being regarded a hero than live to become a bitter man. Again, I'm sorry for the pain my absence may cause, but I am sure you will all move on in due time._

_Thank you for everything,_

_H. Potter_

I was appalled at how quick they all were to believe such a lie, how weak they thought Harry to be at his core. I wanted to kick and scream, announce to the world that Harry had not been driven to death by some self-centered fear. No, he died doing what he always did: putting others first.

Upon the analysis and legitimization of his note, I was released from the Headmistress' office, allowed to return where exactly? Anywhere I went in the castle would simply remind me of him. I finally decided to head to my own chambers, already knowing he had likely left something for me there. I was right. 

Upon entry to my room, I immediately noticed a freshly bound journal placed amongst my other tomes on my bookshelf. It was the translation of the intention magic text I had given him for Christmas. I was hesitant to open it, but decided it must be done, what if he had left me time-sensitive instructions? Tucked into the cover of the journal I found a letter written on the same parchment as Harry's suicide note.

_Severus,_

_If you're reading this, I've already achieved my final goal. I'm sorry for doing this, as well as forcing your hand to participate. At least I did one better than the old man, there's no more blood on your hands this time around._

_When I took Sarah to my office, she wouldn't say a word about what was weighing so heavily on her, but the subtle usage of legilimency was able to tell me she had been tasked with bringing about my death._

_I know this could have all been avoided if I told you what was going on, but I've grown so tired of running away from what must really be my destiny._

_I'm sure it's hard for you to understand my decision in this moment, but think of it this way: I was never meant to live. I was supposed to die a 17 year old boy on the day that Voldemort was destroyed. Selfishly, I kept living._

_I've come to realize that for as long as I continue to live there will be children and innocents twisted and hurt in order to get a chance to kill me. I do not want to be responsible for more death, not when a solution is so clearly in front of me._

_There is something I have to admit. The last time I faced Voldemort, I was mocked by Death Eaters and told I would die before I ever had my first kiss. I didn't want them to be right, so I kissed you as you slept last night. I was foolish not to realize before, huh? I'm sorry I could not grow old with you, my soulmate._

_Know that I wish desperately to meet you again in another time, another place. One where we will not be torn apart so tragically. Still, keep in mind that I don't wish for you to follow me. As I've said, no more death over me. So live, Severus. Live and try to make the changes to the wizarding world that I so wanted to make come true, if you would._

_Always yours,_

_H. Potter_

I wanted to crumple the note, tear it to shreds, light it on fire, but instead I gently folded it closed, placed it back inside the journal, and stashed it in one of my inner robe pockets.

I found my thoughts returning to last night's dream. Or really, last night's reality. Soulmates, huh? How twisted fate could be. The man I loved, the man I was /meant/ to love, had slipped through my fingers, just like every other bit of happiness I reached for in life.

\----

**One Day After Potter's Death**

I took the kids and ran, we're laying low until I can form a coherent plan of attack from the bits and pieces of intel the girl is able to provide me, I have no appetite.

\----

**One Week After Potter's Death**

I made an attack on the Death Eater stronghold but found most of them had already scattered, I see his apologetic eyes in my dreams each night.

\----

**One Month After Potter's Death**

The last of the bastards has been destroyed, I doubt the organization will return, at least not soon. I wonder if Harry would be mad if I called my work done now.

\----

**One Year After Potter's Death**

Following the end of the Death Eaters, the children and I returned to Hogwarts. Coming back had been like reopening a wound that had just stopped bleeding. 

I saw him around every corner, in every crowd, flying every broom. It hurt, it hurt a lot to face so many reminders of his absence. Still, I remained because with those reminders came the truth that he had once been there. 

Harry Potter had once been alive and I had loved him, that is something I never wanted to forget.

The first anniversary of his passing was a difficult day to face. Sarah and Matthew, who I now served as a guardian for, tried their best to keep me distracted from my grief. They remembered how I had been immediately following that day at the astronomy tower. 

I had acted like a shell of a man, focused only on protecting the children and avenging Harry. Now though, I assured the two of them that I had coped with the idea of Harry's death.

At first, I had avoided Harry's grave as if refusing to see it would allow him to still be alive in some portion of my mind. Today, I stood in front of his neat little plot which was drowning in flowers and quietly cried.

I still carried his journal with me everywhere I went, the pages were now well worn and I had the layout memorized by heart. I read excerpts from it on particularly troubling days, but for the most part I felt at peace just holding it in my hands.

All evidence of our connection existed in this one book. I never announced the true nature of our relationship, but some were able to infer an idea of what we must have been from my behavior following Harry's fall.

What I did share with the public was a small portion of Harry's letter to me, the bit about how he felt it was his destiny to die in such a tragic manner. I shared it to drive home the point that the wizarding world never truly appreciated Harry Potter and what he was willing to do for them.

It may not have been the activism he had in mind, but I was fighting to better our community in my own way.

Merlin, how I had loved him, how I still loved him, how I would always love him. I would have died a thousand deaths for him, but all he had asked me to do was live. So, live I would. Until the day our paths might cross again.

  
END


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